By Tatyannah King
My first experience with masturbation started at the age of 5. My sexual awakening began as I binge-watched episodes of my favorite anime, Dragon Ball Z, and then suddenly felt the urge to put my hands in my pants and explore my vulva. Granted, I was young so I didn’t fully understand what I was doing or why I did it. All I knew or cared about was the fact that my actions felt good.
Debunking Taboo Around Masturbation
But truth be told, the topic of masturbation hasn’t historically been as simple or positive. Masturbation has been perceived as taboo and shameful since the dawn of time — even to the point of the invention of the famous Kellogg’s Corn Flakes cereal that allegedly started out as a tool behind an anti-masturbation campaign. While you’d think that outdated views about masturbation are something of the past, but folks criticized the 2020 Super Bowl halftime show, partially due to some crotch-grabbing done by Jennifer Lopez in the performance. Ironically, many people deemed it “inappropriate for kids” due to its masturbatory gestures, even though actual masturbation is a normal occurrence in children (and adults alike).
As someone who grew up in a conservative environment, shameful messages about sexuality eventually caused me struggle with the idea self-pleasure. It wasn’t until I went to college that masturbation went from a random activity that I did to a legitimate ritual of pleasure that made me feel more empowered in myself as a sexual being.
Early on in my sophomore year of college, I had a conversation with some of my friends about sex that unexpectedly turned into a conversation about masturbation. I remember openly admitting for the first time in my life that I masturbated regularly, and I’ll never forget the reaction from my friends at the time. A few of them had uncomfortable laughter followed by sternly saying they don’t touch themselves. Others also admitted to masturbating regularly. Some leaned into curiosity and asked follow-up questions. Next thing I knew, all of us were having a shame-free conversation about what masturbation means to us and how it’s improved our relationship with ourselves and our partners.
Masturbation comes with many benefits, and here’s how it may help you to become more empowered sexually
Self-pleasure helps you learn more about what you enjoy
When you’re having sex with a partner, you might feel more pressured to focus on them rather than yourself. However, when you’re paying attention to only your body, you might pick up on things that you probably didn’t notice before. You might notice that you focus more attention and stimulation on the left side of your clitoris than on the right side. You might discover that your body feels more sensitive shortly after you wake up as opposed to the way it feels through the afternoon or evening. Masturbation helps you better understand those nuances.
Self-pleasure gives you the space to explore toys on your own
The possibilities are endless when it comes to sex toys. Some are large, exaggerated dildos and others are mini sex toys in the shape of emojis. Exploring the many options for sex toys can help you get a better understanding of how to achieve your pleasure goals.
Self-pleasure can also help let go of preconceived goals
While it’s great to know what turns you on and gets you going enough to orgasm, it’s also okay to not be attached to a particular outcome. Don’t worry about how fast you expect to bring yourself to orgasm. Instead, focus on your sensations, explore body’s reactions to touch, or try something completely new, just for fun.
Self-pleasure allows you the space to get more acquainted with the power of touch.
This is your chance to allow yourself to explore your entire body, so don’t feel pressured to go straight for the genitals. You can begin by touching the nape of your neck and then slowly stimulating your nipples before rubbing your inner thighs. Remember, your body is filled with erogenous zones, so take the time to discover them!
Self-pleasure and masturbation eventually help increase sexual communication with a partner
When you know what you need after exploring it on your own, it becomes easier to have the language in order to communicate your needs with someone else.
Ultimately, masturbation is both pleasurable and indicative of our sexual journey and sexual empowerment. When we touch ourselves, it’s our way of neglecting all the negative conditioning we may have received about our bodies. It’s our way of disregarding the idea that sexuality is something to be embarrassed by.
Pleasure may be about enjoyment, but it’s also about self-growth
Tatyannah King is an international speaker and writer covering anything related to sex, dating, and relationships. She is also a sex educator for the Center for Positive Sexuality, speaking on panels about sex-positivity, kink/BDSM, and sexual diversity. Tatyannah is currently a graduate student at Widener University studying Human Sexuality and Social Work. As a soon-to-be clinical sex therapist, her passion is to help both singles and couples throughout the world navigate issues surrounding sexual dysfunction. Her insight as a sex and relationship expert has been featured in various print and digital publications like Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Buzzfeed, VICE, HuffPost, and more!
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