The Radical Power of Being Seen

By: Annabelle Wagar, Facilitator, Sex Therapist; LIASW & M.Ed; Julian Smith, Facilitator, Professional Cuddler; Ph.D

What Is A Vulnerability Whore?

Have you ever been in an intimate moment and suddenly wondered—is this what I really want? That subtle confusion, that pause in clarity, can reveal so much about how we navigate desire, consent, and connection.

This kind of pause—one that invites true presence—is rarely given the space it deserves to expand into self-growth, curiosity, and embodied learning. Vulnerability Whore exists to create exactly that space: a space where authentic somatic experiencing is not only welcomed, but deeply honored. 

 

So What Exactly Are Somatics?

The term somatic experiencing, coined by Dr. Peter Levine in the 1970s, stems from the word soma, meaning body. Through studying animal behavior and his own trauma, Levine came to believe that trauma lives in the nervous system, not just the mind. He introduced a structured approach to healing by tapping into the body’s innate capacity to release stored trauma through physical modalities. While the language may be newer in the West, this wisdom is ancient—practiced for centuries across Eastern traditions and African cultures through movement, dance, chanting, breath work, and rituals that center the body as a vessel for healing. One of the ways to heal and somatically experience, is to physically slow down. This sends a message to our mind that we are safe. 

Finding The Strength Through Vulnerability

Julian and I, the founders and facilitators of Vulnerability Whore, met during a time of deep transition. Though our footing was uncertain, we quickly became steady support for each other. What began as mutual curiosity soon became a foundation: a space where we held one another through tears, laughter, confusion, pleasure, and growth. This space we created together honored our vulnerabilities as strengths rather than flaws. Our distress around our own identities, desires and shame were cracked open and held with grace.

From Personal Growth To Bold Collaboration: The Birth of Vulnerability Whore

As I deepened my self-trust with my own intuition and body through pleasure and exploration, Julian deepened his passion for vulnerability work in the wake of personal loss, our shared interests blossomed. Over time, this grew into a collaborative partnership between two individuals engaged in pleasure-based work, grounded in curiosity, play, and authenticity. And so was born Vulnerability Whore.

Yes, we know—it’s a name that turns heads. “Vulnerability Whore?! Wow, that’s… bold." Exactly. 

Because what we’re building is bold: a creative, honest, sometimes messy, always permission-filled space for unpacking what it means to be human—through pleasure, boundaries, and shared experience.

Being Vulnerable Is A Choice.

Not a weakness. Not a flaw. A choice. In a world that often prizes perfection, productivity, and emotional detachment, It’s like speaking the truth out loud and holding your breath, waiting to see if you’ll be met with silence or understanding. It’s the deliberate act of opening ourselves up—our desires, fears, dreams, and truths—even when we know there’s a chance we could get hurt. But here is the radical truth: it’s also where all the beauty lives.

Vulnerability is not just about pain or risk. It’s the birthplace of love, connection, and joy. When we allow ourselves to be seen—not just the curated versions of ourselves, but our full, raw, emotional selves—we open the door to authentic relationships, meaningful experiences, and deeper self-worth.

Researcher and educator Brené Brown, who has spent decades studying shame and vulnerability, puts it like this: “Vulnerability is the most accurate measure of courage.”

Think about that. Not achievements, not fearlessness, but vulnerability—the willingness to say “This is me, as I am.”

Now On The Word Whore; 

We know “whore” is a word with a painful legacy—used to shame, silence, and stigmatize, especially sex workers and those who challenge norms around sexuality and autonomy. We do not use it lightly. We acknowledge its history and the harm it’s caused, while also honoring the power of reclamation. Our name honors those who navigate the complex intersections of intimacy, labor, and marginalization, and who continue to shape conversations that challenge shame and demand dignity.

Vulnerability Whore does not seek to co-opt or erase that history but rather acknowledges the radical wisdom of those who have long lived at the intersections of intimacy, labor, and marginalization. We stand in support of sex workers and their right to safety, dignity, and decriminalization. Their work, advocacy, and lived experiences have deeply shaped conversations around consent, boundaries, and the commodification of care—conversations that resonate with the work we do here. We’re committed to a world where emotional truth and personal agency are respected, not punished, this includes conversation on feedback and dialogue, and we remain open to evolving how we hold this space.

 

Read: Sex Workers Rights Around The World

So why be a Vulnerability Whore?

Numerous research shows that vulnerability can lead to stronger relationships, easing anxiety, increased self-awareness, and can cultivate more compassion for ourselves and others. You can build stronger relationships as vulnerability fosters trust and intimacy in relationships by allowing individuals to show their true selves. Have you ever thought a friend or partner were not expressing all that they wanted to in the face of challenging circumstances? In the spirit of modeling, one way to  build stronger relationships is to make the effort to share more, acknowledging and honoring the risks involved. This is a gift you give to others, that they may take as an example to deepen further connection with you. There is an opportunity to ease anxiety expressing their vulnerabilities, individuals can experience a reduction in overall distress. This phenomenal benefit is all about what power we have to send messages to our own brain, helping our sense of self become more at ease by facing challenges. When we take time and slow down to acknowledge our negative emotions and nothing inherently dangerous comes in response to that, we send a message to our brain that these thoughts are not bad. 

 

Ability to cultivate increased self-awareness vulnerability also encourages individuals to explore their emotions and experiences. This is essential in forming a stable and true relationship with your self. By being transparent about your own challenging thoughts and difficult feelings like shame and grief, we then have the opportunity to heal with those acknowledgments.  Recognizing our own defense mechanisms is important to break through them, grow and transform. Be a more compassionate neighbor, partner, friend and family member. Cultivate compassion and empathy for others, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves, and a stronger sense of community. This starts with radical honesty. Expressing your own needs and boundaries in relationship invites others to do the same, fostering more connection and deeper connection with others. 

You might be thinking, “okay… but how do I actually live more vulnerable? How do I put this quality into action?”

 

Three Tips On How To Become A Better Vulnerability Whore:

 

1. Show unapologetic authenticity with your wants, desires and limits.

Authenticity isn’t always loud or dramatic—it can be as simple as asking for a different seat at a restaurant.You notice one that feels more comfortable. You want to move. But you hesitate—worried about seeming difficult or drawing attention. Here’s the truth: your comfort matters.Asking for what you need doesn’t require confidence first. Often, it’s the act of asking that builds confidence. Speaking up, even in small moments, is a practice in unapologetic authenticity. Start there. Say the thing. Ask for a better seat. Your needs are not too much.

2. Celebrate vulnerability as a strength through connection and inclusivity.

We often think of vulnerability as something personal—something we do alone. But when shared in safe spaces, it becomes something much bigger: a source of connection, healing, and collective strength. Recently, during one of our community circles, someone admitted, “I have noticed that I find value in myself only when I have something to offer instead of recognizing that I am enough as I am.” That quiet confession didn’t shut the room down—it opened it. Others nodded and listened with compassion. One by one, people shared their own versions of that feeling. That moment didn’t come from confidence. It came from courage—the kind of courage it takes to be real in front of others. When we make space for each other’s truths, without judgment or shame, we build communities where people feel seen—not in spite of their vulnerability, but because of it.

3. Express a level of compassion, fostering an environment of empowerment for others 

One powerful and actionable way to engage in vulnerability in the spirit of working with others is to receive it with compassion and gratitude. When someone shares their limits, changes their mind, or expresses a desire, it’s not an inconvenience—it’s a gift. Responding with patience and appreciation helps create a culture where honesty is not only allowed but valued. Meeting someone’s vulnerable truth with gratitude fosters trust, strengthens connection, and makes the space feel safer—not just for them, but for you and everyone else in it. This is how we begin to build communities grounded in empathy and authenticity.

We Live In A Society That Often Rewards Emotional Repression. 

Being “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “too honest” can carry social, professional, and even systemic consequences. Many of us have valid reasons for keeping our walls up. And yet, something vital is lost when we never take the risk to let others see us fully. That’s where we come in. 

When Julian and I met, I had just ended a long-term relationship and was immersed in my studies of sex therapy and yoga. Julian, shifting from a background in physics, was diving headfirst into the somatic and emotional realms, freshly inspired by Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent—a powerful framework for practicing clear, shame-free agreements and boundaries. Together we wanted to build a community that was centered around acceptance, slowing down and reflection.

 

Slowing down doesn’t just happen in your head—it starts in your body. One of the most powerful ways to tell your nervous system “you’re safe” is through intentional, loving touch. Shop Body Oil.

Come Home to Yourself—Through Pleasure, Vulnerability, and Community

We create spaces that embrace eroticism and invite you to explore your inner landscape through thoughtfully curated day and weekend workshops. Rooted in a deep commitment to education, self-growth, and the courageous act of vulnerability, our work encourages ongoing personal development and authentic connection. Acknowledging the benefits and reasons around being vulnerable, and living that authentically looks different with every individual. Whatever journey and progress any individual may be on should be respected and honored. Find the joy, celebration and inherent gratitude that may come from reflection, and recognition of your own self-worth and value. You are enough. Julian and I started this platform because we noticed something missing in our culture: an intentional space that not only acknowledges the difficulty of being vulnerable, but also honors the bravery of it. 

At Vulnerability Whore, our work is rooted in the belief that vulnerability creates deeper connection, both within ourselves and with others. We aim to foster authentic community, support emotional well-being, and celebrate wants and desires without shame. By honoring our truths and encouraging others to do the same, we create space for empowerment, growth, and shared healing. Together, we’re building a culture where being real is not only safe—but celebrated. 

Come As You Are: Exploring Desire, Healing, and Connection

Join us as we break down walls, honor vulnerability, and redefine what it means to show up authentically. The Art of Vulnerability is for anyone and everyone who's tired of surface-level connection and craving something deeper. This event is all about getting real—with ourselves, with each other, and with the messy, beautiful stories that shape us.

Expect honest conversations, space to reflect, and a community that actually sees you. There’ll be soul-nourishing food, some juicy discussion and reflection, and the kind of energy that stays with you long after it’s over.

         Location: Breathtaking Washington State; Camano Island, Time: June 5th-9th 2025 Get all the details here: 

 

What people are saying about The Art of Vulnerability:

“This workshop has helped me tune more into my body and communicate more freely with my partner without shame”, “I have never felt so catered to and taken care of”, ”I was surprised by the amount of self-love and acceptance that came up during the weekend”

 

Stay in touch with Julian and Annabelle. 

 

Further Reading: 

Me and My Outie Vagina Against the World by Haley Jakobson (she/her)

Vulvovaginal Health and My Manhood by Clark Hamel (he/him)

Stuff You Should Know: Sex & Aftercare by Lina Dune

Get Hot, Not Bothered: How to Soothe & Prevent Pain During & After Sex

The Intersection of Sexual & Mental Health

Shedding Sexual Shame After Really Bad Sex Ed by Tatyannah King