It isn't fair that women and anyone with a vagina carry the brunt of the work while not only having to fight shame and stigma relating to our bodies but the pervasive lack of education and research that affects the health care we have access to - or likely don't.
At Momotaro Apotheca it has always been our mission to create education that is educational and empathetic. This piece was written by a cis man looking for ways to expand his understanding of vulva and vaginal health - with the consideration of sharing with others who may not have a vagina but can/should/need and want to expand their understanding of them.
Share with your friends, forward to your partner, brother, father. Knowledge is power.
By: Michael Stahl
From believing the hymen is a chokehold to not being able to locate the vagina on a diagram of the female reproductive system, it’s clear that many men remain in the dark about vulvas. But if they want to devote their lives to — and have sex with — anyone with a vulva, it would behoove them to become informed on the subject. Such men will be in a better position to understand potential health issues involving the vulva and care for their partners more effectively.
Here are five things men should know about vulvovaginal health, according to women experts who were asked about the category by a (moderately informed, at best) man (me):
The clitoris is the only human organ with the sole purpose of pleasure — and it’s quite elaborate
There’s a lot about the clitoris that men don’t know — or, rather, most people in general because even medical professionals are uncomfortable discussing it. First, it’s way bigger and has more parts than you probably thought. In fact, as a whole, including internal sections, it looks an awful lot like a penis.
The bulb, which any remotely giving lover of vaginas targets with manipulative care and probably calls “the clitoris,” is scientifically known as “the glans.” But the entire clitoris actually extends several inches into the body, where it takes on a wishbone-like shape. Its crus or “clitoral legs,” as one pelvic health blog describes them, are “responsible for the sensations where the front wall of the vagina connects to the paraurethral glands (the G-spot) and for female ejaculation.”
It's important to familiarize yourself with the entirety of the clitoris because, with a whopping 10,000 nerve fibers throughout, it is the only organ in either women or men or anyone with a vagina whose sole purpose is pleasure. So it's safe to assume it deserves to be treated well, and garner lots of attention.
“If you're doing your due diligence when you're having sex with women, for people that have clitorises, they’ll feel these parts engorging with blood,” says Aimee Latta, a certified somatic intimacy coach. “So when you think of using vibrators or suction toys that also create a vibration, then you're stimulating not just the part of the clitoris that's on the outside, but the other glands and the rest of the clitoris is also getting those vibrations.”
Hence, anyone with a penis should not feel self-conscious when using sex toys on a partner who has a vagina. They could just as easily be viewed as helpful in the same way power tools are.
“If a man goes out and builds a shed and uses power tools in the process, when the shed is standing you’re not going to say, ‘The power tools built the shed,’” Latta notes. “You're going to say, ‘I built the shed,’ and you're going to be proud of it, and you're going to be telling everyone, ‘Look at the work that I did.’”
If we consider pleasure and reciprocity, a man may have a variety of places in and around their genitals that they’d like to be addressed by a lover. Attention paid to your penis head and shaft is nice; ball-cupping and -sucking is also tops, ain’t it? Well, return the favor!
You know the G-spot. Have you heard of the A-spot?
The G-spot has earned its share of recognition in medical journals and Penthouse Letters. There’s also the “C-spot,” but that’s just another name for the also-famous and aforementioned glans — with “c” inaccurately standing for “clitoris.” But the very first entry in the alphabet has also been committed to an area of the vagina. The “A-spot,” short for the “the anterior fornix erogenous zone,” is located inside the vagina between the cervix and the bladder, two inches beyond the G-spot.
“That’s more challenging to reach for most people, but it’s potentially a worthwhile challenge,” says Latta.
Stimulation of the A-spot may be uncomfortable for people with vaginas, as it requires deep penetration. If both partners are up to the task, they’ll likely have to push the receiving partners legs behind their head in missionary — with consent — or have the receiver stand up on those legs. But, really, an orgasm inspired by A-spot stimulation will more easily manifest with the help of a long sex toy.
Understanding anatomy to this extent helps us better understand the diversity of needs and desires of anyone with a vagina — and still there’s a lot more you can learn if you research and communicate. You can become a pleasure “expert” and, thus, more in demand, so it’s a win-win.
Mind the (Pleasure) Gap: Gender Inequality in the Bedroom
Don’t make assumptions about abnormal vaginal scents.
The vagina is a magical organ for many reasons. There’s everything sexual- and childbirth-related, but a perhaps lesser-known piece of incredibleness about the vagina is it cleans itself.
“All women have a DIY vagina-vulva-wash of mucus, which can vary in appearance and volume throughout the menstrual cycle,” as Rose George described in The Guardian. “It is mostly highly effective, except in the case of infection, including STIs, which can be signaled by a change in color, thickness or odor.”
Some infections, such as bacterial vaginosis, which is an imbalance in the vagina’s flora, or trichomoniasis, a parasitic STI, can cause a vagina to smell fishy or musty (in the words of the Cleveland Clinic and the New York Department of Health, not ours). It’s important to note, a healthy vagina is acidic and will not smell like roses or fruit regardless of the “feminine care” industry’s desire to do so. However, it’s important to note a healthy vagina can have smells that range from sour to tangy, sweet to metallic, and beyond, depending on a range of factors, including the given point of the menstrual cycle, pH balance, or recent level of physical activity.
Read: Decoding Vaginal Discharge
If men anticipate a certain smell based on false pretenses and assumptions that lead to an unwarranted response, be considerate that it may make a person with a vagina uncomfortable and self-conscious.
“A lot of society came up with this narrative that it's going to smell like flowers and sunshine and whatnot, and a lot of that's related to marketing,” says Sonya Maya, a psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. “A lot of women and vulva owners tend to be a bit insecure about a potential smelI. It might have a specific type of scent, but there's usually nothing to be alarmed about.”
It’s important to remember the harmful jokes, stigma and shame that has been perpetuated about vaginas and vaginal care can cause very real harm.
Vaginal pain is nobody’s ‘fault’
Up to 28% of people with vulvas will experience “vulvodynia,” which is chronic lower genital tract pain that may manifest as “rawness,” burning and/or stinging. If dealing with physical pain down there wasn’t enough, women also have to face all the emotional turmoil that may come with it, too, thanks to the attached stigma.
“People often think, ‘There's something wrong with me,’ or kind of blame themselves for the pain, being like, ‘What am I doing wrong? Why am I experiencing this kind of pain?’ — and they have a hard time even knowing what language to use to describe the pain,” says Noa Fleischacker, executive director of Tight Lipped, a patient-led advocacy organization by and for people with vulvar, vaginal and pelvic pain conditions. Fleischacker adds that this response of uncertainty mixed with shame can create challenges in intimate relationships. “You’re having pain with sex and, how do you even talk to your partner about what's going on?” she says.
Fleischacker also notes that people with vulvas might not want to speak to physicians about such pain either. People experiencing this kind of discomfort — as well as their partners — often turn to less-reliable sources for information, typically on the internet, a place filled with lots of disreputable providers of data.
Furthermore, Fleischacker says many medical professionals also fail to explore these problems proactively. There’s little education surrounding vulva pain in part because research is also lacking. (The study where I pulled that 28% stat from even says “population-based studies are limited.”) And many doctors also latch on to outdated diagnoses, frequently attributing such pain to vaginismus, which is primarily regarded as a psychological condition. This leads to people with vulvas being told the pain is “all in their head,” Fleischacker says, or that it stems from anxiety or depression, when that might not be the case at all.
“We’re often hearing from our doctors, ‘Drink a glass of wine,’” says a Tight Lipped patient advocate who asked to be identified by her first name, Isabella. “Getting treatment is really hard, and it can take years to find the right doctor and then years to find the right treatment, but that's not to say that treatments are not available. There are things you can do.”
Treatments can vary widely, Isabella says, because the source of the pain could also be any number of things, not just a trauma response.
When Sex Hurts: Understanding Dyspareunia
and Finding Pleasure Again
You’ll be a better partner for discussing vulvovaginal health
With relatively few resources, as well as self-conscious feelings and other emotional challenges tied to vulvovaginal health, partners of people with vulvas can be more empathetic and supportive just by listening to them about any intimate issues that may arise without judgment. It’s worth repeating that they’ll also emerge as better partners, lovers and people in the community and ya know what, you may even come out with an opportunity to have enhanced sexual experiences.
“It's a good indicator that somebody cares about the other person's experience and pleasure,” says Maya. “A red flag in a relationship is if it's one-sided, so if a man is in a relationship and is showing interest in the woman's health and pleasure, that's a pretty good indication that it’s a reciprocal relationship, which is really important, especially when it comes to creating a long-lasting, committed partnership.”
Meet Our Best Seller Bundle: Our Most Popular
Products Made With Care To Help You Manage Chronic Infections
Related Reading
Learn the Difference Between Your Vagina & Vulva
Pegging 101: A Beginners Guide To Strap On Sex
The 3 Most Important Factors in All Open Relationships