Ugochi’s Declassified Coochie Survival Guide (Pride Edition)

Ugochi’s Declassified Coochie Survival Guide (Pride Edition)

Words by: Ugochi Egonu (they/she) @ugochiegonu

 

After a two year hiatus, many pride parades across the country are returning for summer 2022. As much as we’re excited to celebrate ourselves and our communities again, for those of us with sensitive vaginas, events like the pride parade can be a bit anxiety inducing. Many of the elements that make pride a dream for some, brightly colored spandex and thongs, all the alcohol you can drink etc., can be a bit of a nightmare for people that are prone to infections and irritation. Whether it’s infections, microtears, or just general irritation, many of us have vaginas that require a little extra attention and care, a bougie coochie if you will.

 

Never fear, This guide is chock full of information like what to wear, what to bring and what to avoid in order to have fun at pride without vaginal irritation getting in the way. 

  

Pre-Parade

  • Know your triggers: Having a happy healthy coochie starts with knowing your body and taking the right precautions to not just treat, but prevent infections. A good way to start that is by knowing your triggers and planning accordingly. For example, If you want to have a boozy pride but know that alcohol can be a trigger for your body, consider cutting back on drinking the week leading up to pride and setting limits for yourself on the day of. 

  • Hydrate: I cannot stress this enough but HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE. A hydrated pussy is a happy pussy. If you have a hard time remembering to drink water, try adding lemon or sliced fruit to your water to make the drink more fun. 

 

  • Get tested: As much as I’m excited to partake in the flirting olympics that is pride, safety is a number one concern as our community has survived and is currently living through public health crises. Getting tested for both STI’s and COVID is accessible and free in most states. While there are likely to be testing sites at the parade itself, knowing your status before you go helps to protect you and anyone you may want to bump coochies with at the Parade.

Fit Check

The number one thing to remember when dressing for your pussy is to make sure that it can breathe. If you’ve ever attended SF pride you probably noticed that it is completely legal to rock your birthday suit in public, which is of course one way to make sure that your vagina has room to breathe (just be sure to set something down before you sit on any public benches). But for those of us who would like to leave a little bit to the imagination while still partaking in raunchy Pride attire, there are a few things to keep in mind. Breathable fabrics are key for both undergarments and any body hugging attire. You’re likely to be out all day and the wrong fabric could trap sweat and lead to irritation. This does not mean sacrificing the fun, whimsical energy of a pride outfit. This strappy thong from Parade comes in an array of colors as well and would be cute on its own for those who want to show a little more skin or under your clothes as a fun surprise for later ;)


What's In My Bag?

  • Momotaro Products- Aside from being the holy grail for vaginal wellness, both momotaro's salve and hydrosol come in small discreet packaging that makes it easy to stash in a small bag in case any irritation comes up throughout the day. 

  • Coconut water- I absolutely love coconut water anytime that I’m going out because it’s tasty and packed full of electrolytes that help keep you hydrated for longer. It’s also a great metaphor for how we want our pussies to feel, refreshing with a delicious but with a fun subtle taste to it.

  • Non Latex condoms- Whether you have a latex allergy or just don’t like the way that latex condoms feel, non latex protection is a must for bougie coochies. There will probably be a plethora of condoms and dental dams being passed out at the parade but I’ve have seen anything from flavored to glow in the dark protection passed out at Pride that I know will end up causing irritation so it's always best to have your own on hand. 

  • An extra pair of panties- It’s hard work carrying around a super slip gorilla grip. After a long day in the sun (and maybe a long night with somebody's son ;)) things can get kind of …. slidey. You can’t go wrong having an extra pair of breathable cotton panties stashed away in your bag for later.

And there you have it! The ultimate pussy protection guide for Pride. I hope this was helpful for baby queers and seasoned Pride vets alike. Now take you and your bougie coochie off to the parade to be in community with your fellow queers. I’ll see you there!

 

Author imager
 

Ugochi Egonu (they/she) is a freelance writer, editor, and performance artist currently based in Brooklyn, NY. They write to heal, learn and build community. They are currently the editor of the forthcoming anthology Before We Become Ancestors. Previously, they were the associate newsletter editor at Refinery29. Their work has appeared in Rookie Magazine, VICE, and Teen Vogue.

 

Website: https://www.ugochiegonu.com/about

IG: @ugochiegonu

 

 

Related Reading:

Pride's Proud Roots in Riot

On Black Masculinity, From a Trans Masc Black Baddie by Caroline Colvin (they/them)

The ABC's of LGBTQIA

What You Shouldn't Assume About Queer Sex by Gabrielle Smith (she/her)

 

 

 

Momotaro Apotheca and its materials are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. 
All material on Momotaro Apotheca is provided for educational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition.

 

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