Five Ways To Return To Sensuality After A Long Break (Be It Pandemic Or Motherhood)

Words by: Bae Leche (she/her) @baeleche

Mother's can and reclaim their sensualities, and I'm here to show you how.

Hot baths with my favorite grooming products (soothing Tonic bath anyone?), fresh-baked goods and almost nightly masturbation sessions are what helped me survive the double whammy that was mothering a toddler and a newborn during the pandemic. Though experiencing pleasure is our divine right as humans, we have been taught to think, rather than feel, our way through life. More and more therapists are recognizing the after-effects of the pandemic as trauma responses and their experiences have the power to further disconnect us from our bodies. As many of us aim to recover from the ongoing uncertainty and stress of these pandemic years, our heads continue to grow heavy and our bodies more distant.  

We now know that reclaiming our sensual identity is all the more imperative to our healing. 

Here are five tips to help you reprioritize pleasure in your life and return to the embodied being that you are. 

1. Give yourself a sensual treat. 

Perhaps you need a little motivation to reconnect to your sensual side. Adding something new to the mix can help motivate you by bringing a sense of novelty or curiosity to your senses. Buy some underthings that fit your updated body, splurge on the new CBD lube or toy you wanted. Ridiculously soft designer towels or decadent chocolates you wanted also qualify. This token of sensuality will signal to yourself and the universe that you believe you are worthy of pleasure, inviting more sensuality into every area of your life. 

2. Move your bod.

It doesn't really matter how. Work with your abilities, whether it is light stretches, a kitchen dance party, or a short walk around the block—bonus points for getting outside.  Bring newness and challenge your body; noticing how it responds will awaken and enliven your senses, helping return awareness to all the sensations your body is capable of feeling.

3. Pencil in a Pleasure Power Hour

Whether you’re returning back to a busier work and social schedule or entering an entirely new season, like motherhood, even just a few minutes of intentional self-pleasure throughout your day makes an enormous difference. Expand your definition of what it means to self-pleasure. You can begin with something as simple as running your hands up and down your entire body. Give yourself a massage or rub areas of your body that could use some love. Orgasm does not need to be the goal — keep in mind that you might be reexpanding (stretching) your nervous system’s capacity for pleasure, so be gentle on yourself if you have to start slow. But you have to prioritize it.  Literally, write it down in whatever calendar you use. Set an alarm to make it happen, and work up to at least an hour a week. 

4. Give yourself a sensual treat. 

Perhaps you need a little motivation to reconnect to your sensual side. Adding something new to the mix can help motivate you by bringing a sense of novelty or curiosity to your senses. Buy some underthings that fit your updated body, splurge on the new CBD lube or toy you wanted. Ridiculously soft designer towels or decadent chocolates you wanted also qualify. This token of sensuality will signal to yourself and the universe that you believe you are worthy of pleasure, inviting more sensuality into every area of your life. 

5. Make a sensual date with you and the world. 

As you begin to reawaken to the sensual feast around you, challenge yourself to take your pleasure-driven self out into the world. Put on a flirty outfit and move with the bounce of knowing you are alive. Model the magic of moving in the world in your full sensual power. Basking in the awareness that you are alive will give others permission to do the same. 

READ MORE:Rewriting the Motherhood Manifesto 

Remember that choosing to use our time to prioritize pleasure instead of productivity is a radical act. We can and should demand more from our partners, employers, and elected officials, but this has to begin with insisting to ourselves that we are inherently worthy. We are worthy of feeling present and powerful within our bodies, worthy of pleasure without having to “earn" it, and worthy of experiencing life as fully embodied beings. 

Bree is a sex and relationship coach, artist, wife, and mother of two living in Los Angeles. She is passionate about the pursuit of pleasure and guiding folks to use their imaginations to create more authentic relationships and pleasure-filled lives.  Find her on instagram @baeleche_ or at www.baeleche.com

Further Reading: 

6 Postpartum “Unmentionables” & How to Deal During the Fourth Trimester By Nyssa 

How to Reclaim Your Body Throughout Pregnancy & Postpartum by Sevonna Brown

YSK: What to Expect During Pregnancy & Postpartum

Protect Your Birth: A Guide For Black Birthers Navigating the American Healthcare System Dr. Mare