What You Need to Know Before Trying BDSM

 

 

Sex is like a box of chocolates. There are so many different flavors and combinations to try and there will be a couple that are your favorites. How will you know which is yours if you don’t taste a few? When it comes to kinky sex, fetishes, and BDSM play, there is quite a long list that applies. It’s time we tap into what ours are and how we can safely introduce them into our partnerships or explore them on our own.

If you’re looking to dive into kink and explore a fetish or dip your toes into the world of BDSM, it’s important that all parties are aware of the rules and boundaries you have so that you can play freely and responsibly for ultimate pleasure. There’s a level of trust that needs to be considered before you begin to play. After all, if you don’t feel safe, how can you truly let your inhibitions fly? 

What is kink? 

Kink is an umbrella term used to describe a range of sexual (or nonsexual) activities, proclivities and flavors considered  to be “unconventional” or unorthodox by mainstream society. 

 

What’s the difference between BDSM and a fetish?

BDSM stands for:

Bondage Either physically or mentally

Discipline Dominance and Submission

Sadism Sexual pleasure from inflicting pain

Masochism Sexual pleasure from receiving pain

BDSM typically involves at least one other partner, and it explores each other’s limits through constant communication and consent. A fetish is usually described as something that isn’t a common arousal. For example, you may hate the sight of feet while looking at feet for another really gets them going. There’s no right or wrong answers when it comes to exploring kink. The three most important factors to keep in mind include consent, communication, and negotiation. 

 

Things to Consider Before diving into the world of Kink, Fetish & BDSM 

 

1. Understand the risks 

We must acknowledge that in BDSM, there can be some risks but knowing the agreed upon rules (and following them) can help to minimize those risks.

 

Soothe post sext irritation: Shop Salve

 

2. Communicate & check in with yourself & your partner

Be sure to discuss your needs, expectations and rules/boundaries and limits beforehand. Be open, clear and honest so that everyone is on the same page before you dive in.

 

3. Have a safe word

Sometimes we can get swept up in the heat of the moment, so it’s important to agree on a safe word that you can use if things are getting uncomfortable. A safe word is a word you wouldn’t use in everyday conversation or a sexual setting, such as “Pineapple." You and your partner should agree on your safe word before anything happens so either of you can use it to signal the other to stop.

 

Relax and address discomfort with a Tonic bath: Shop Tonic 

 

4. Have a plan

You don’t want to be up in a cabin on  a sexy vacation without cell reception or access to a landline to call for help in case things don’t go to plan. In case of an emergency, you should make sure that you have access to help. 

  

5. Know how to properly use your toys

If toys are a part of your play, then it is vital that you have a working knowledge of how each one is used, what it is used for, and what part it plays in the pleasure of you or your partners. Read the instructions before you

6. Sober play is safe play 

Having a clear mind is vital in BD/SM play in order to give clear and honest consent. It helps minimize the risk of harm on so many levels. If you are under any substance influence, you may have trouble understanding the risks involved. Alcohol can diminish your pain receptors which can result in serious injury. Safety for you and your partner(s) is key.

 

In BDSM the pain should be pleasurable

These two can go hand in hand but it is important that the pain IS in fact, pleasurable and safe. This is where honest communication and safe words come in handy.

 

After play, practice after care

Even even in kink-less sex, you can experience “postcoital dysphoria” or PCD, which can manifest in a variety of ways such as crying, irritability, and anxiety, to name a few. This is why aftercare is so important. Check in with your partner(s) and make sure that they are ok with everything you just experienced and talk about it. 

 

While each of these things on the list can be broken down further, the list can help keep you in the clear from confusion, hurt feelings or hurt bodies. 

 

READ MORE What is Aftercare & How to Incorporate it Into Your Post Play Sesh

  

Ready to get started on your kink exploration but not sure how?

I recommend this Kink and Sex Negotiation sheets by Justine Cross to get you started. Even if you’ve been practicing for a long time, it may be a good time to check in. Our bodies and our desires change daily!  There are many more completely free downloads for you to get started. 

 

 

Remember, we all are unique, we all have different preferences, and our kinks can vary. Give yourself permission to find your pleasure…often. Have fun. Play Safe. Get your Kink on.

 

 

Meet the Author 

 

Miss Rockwell De'Vil (she/her) is a writer, designer, Burlesque performer, professional hair stylist and makeup artist. Find her on at @therealrockwell. 

 

 

 

 

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What Boundary Setting in BDSM Culture Can Teach You About Life Outside of the Bedroom an interview with Lina Dune @askasub 

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