How to Stay Connected with Your Partner During the Holidays
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By: Natassia Miller
You’re standing in the airport security line, shoes half-on, sweating in your heaviest coat because you didn’t want to check a bag. Your partner is juggling IDs, carry-ons, and a group text from their mother that just reads, “Call me ASAP.” Behind you, a toddler is screaming. In front of you, someone’s arguing about a jar of cranberry sauce.
In theory, the holidays are about connection. In practice, they can feel like survival mode, where you go days making sure the to-do’s are on deadline, your sex life slides to the bottom of the list, and your body quietly absorbs all the stress.
The goal this season isn’t to become a “chill couple” who glides through December; it’s to learn how to stay on the same team, even when everything around you is loud, messy, and overcaffeinated.
Why Holidays Strain Connection
Holiday stress hits your nervous system first, then your relationship (and vagina) second.
Research shows that chronic stress and sleep loss weaken immune function and slow healing, which makes you more vulnerable to infections and inflammation. Add holiday travel, disrupted routines, sugar-heavy food, and extra alcohol and you have a perfect storm.
Couples report more tension around money, division of labor, and in-law dynamics during the holidays, which can make you more likely to snap, shut down, or silently keep score.
Evidence-based approaches like the Gottman Method emphasize that relationships suffer less from big dramatic conflicts and more from repeated missed bids for connection—those tiny moments where one partner reaches out and the other is too stressed (or resentful) to turn toward.
Start with a Holiday Huddle
Before you’re in the car with a casserole and simmering resentment, schedule a “holiday huddle”: a 30–45 minute check-in to align expectations.
Working with couples around this season, I often encourage a structured planning conversation where you talk through logistics, emotions, and backup plans, rather than hoping it all works out.
Try questions like:
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What matters most to you this year (emotionally, not just logistically)?
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What’s one obligation you’d love to skip or reduce?
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When do you anticipate feeling most stressed, and how can I have your back?
Gottman’s work emphasizes looking for the “dream within the conflict”—the deeper value underneath a preference.
Maybe your partner wants to stay late at their family’s house because it’s the only time they feel truly connected to their siblings, while you want to leave earlier because your social battery drains fast.
When you understand the why, compromise stops feeling like one person “winning” and becomes a shared problem you’re solving together.
Actions That Actually Boost Connection
When you’re overstretched, vague promises like “We’ll try to connect more” don’t survive in the wild. Concrete, research-backed actions do.
Studies on couples and stress show that fairness in the division of labor, consistent affectionate touch, and small rituals of connection are strongly linked to higher relationship satisfaction.
Here are a few to build into your holiday routine:
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Split the visible and invisible to-dos
Research on household labor and “mental load” finds that when one partner carries most of the planning, remembering, and emotional labor, both relationship satisfaction and individual well-being suffer.
Sit down and list everything that needs doing—travel, gifts, food, coordinating with family—and deliberately divide both the tasks and the planning, then actually follow through on what you’ve claimed so your partner can put those items down.
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Practice the 6-second kiss
Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman recommend a daily six-second kiss as a simple ritual that strengthens connection by forcing you to slow down and be present with each other.
Six seconds is long enough to register as intimate and meaningful, and research on affectionate touch suggests rituals like this can boost oxytocin and support relationship satisfaction over time.
I personally practice this daily with my husband and can confirm it’s a small act that makes a big difference!
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Commit to real hugs (aim for 20 seconds)
Experimental studies have found that hugs and self-soothing touch can reduce cortisol responses to stress and are associated with healthier stress regulation across days.
Try a full-body hug for about 20 seconds before a big event, when you come back from family gatherings, or right before bed.
It gives your nervous system a chance to register safety in your partner’s arms.
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Protect a no-logistics zone
Many couples find that their only conversations in December are about timing, money, or who’s bringing what.
Evidence-based approaches to couple care highlight the importance of “stress-reducing conversations” that focus on feelings and inner worlds rather than problem-solving.
For 10–15 minutes a day, ban logistics and ask each other questions like, “What felt hard for you today?” or “What’s one thing you want more of between us this week?”
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Anchor the day with one micro-ritual
Couples who consciously build “rituals of connection” report greater resilience under stress.
That can be as simple as drinking coffee together before checking your phones, texting one flirty or affirming message during the day, or debriefing in bed with devices away. The goal isn’t perfection–it’s predictability.
Protect Your Body So Pleasure Stays Possible
Stress doesn’t just make you tired; it can alter your vaginal microbiome, weaken immune defenses, and increase your risk of infections like BV and UTIs, especially when combined with dehydration and increased sugar intake.
Staying connected with your partner includes protecting the parts of you that make intimacy feel good in the first place.
This is where a supportive vulvovaginal routine comes in:
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Daily Probiotic for Vaginal Health: A targeted probiotic can support a balanced vaginal microbiome, which is a key part of preventing recurrent infections and irritation during times of stress and routine disruption. Momotaro’s Daily Probiotic for Vaginal Health is formulated specifically for vulvovaginal wellness, making it a smart daily baseline during the holiday chaos.
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Urinary Tract and Pelvic Health Supplement: Long travel days, holding your pee at family events, and less water (more mulled wine) can all increase UTI risk. A urinary tract and bladder supplement like Momotaro’s can be used as part of a prevention strategy—especially if you know you’re prone to post-sex or travel-related UTIs.
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Soothe & Restore Salve: If you know your vulva tends to get cranky with tight clothes or lots of friction, a daily dime-size layer of Momotaro’s Soothe & Restore Salve on your vulva can help moisturize, support the skin barrier, and create a more comfortable environment. It can be used preventatively or whenever you notice discomfort—think post-shave, after long days in leggings, or when you’ve had sex.
Soften the Pressure Around Sex
Under stress, many people experience a drop in desire, and that’s normal. Desire often becomes more context-dependent, meaning it shows up when you feel safe, relaxed, and emotionally connected.
I wrote a guide on how to initiate sex and emphasize that intimacy is a spectrum, from emotional closeness to sensual touch to sex, and that low-pressure, collaborative initiation tends to work best. That mindset is crucial during the holidays.
Instead of treating sex as another line item on the holiday checklist, reframe it as a space for co-regulation: a way to help both of your nervous systems downshift from “go” mode into “be” mode. That might look like:
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Suggesting, “Want to take a shower together and see what we’re in the mood for?” instead of “Are we having sex tonight or not?”
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Offering a massage with explicit permission that it doesn’t have to lead anywhere, so your partner can actually relax instead of bracing for expectation.
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Naming your capacity clearly: “I’m too wiped for sex, but I’d love to make out and cuddle in bed for a while.”
Connection thrives when there’s room for honesty, flexibility, and play.
When your body feels cared for, your mental load is shared, and your days are punctuated by small rituals of touch and presence, “holiday relationship advice” stops being theoretical and starts feeling like a lived reality.
You’re no longer just surviving December together, you’re building a relationship that still feels good when the decorations come down.
About the Author
Natassia Miller is a Brazilian-American sexologist based in NYC and the founder of Wonderlust, where she helps couples build more confident, connected sex lives through workshops, 1:1 coaching, and her bestselling Mindful Intimacy Card Deck. Her work has been featured by Cosmopolitan, NBC, Glamour, Soho House, and more. Explore her offerings at wonderlust.co or follow along on Instagram @natassiamiller.
Further Reading:
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